(Baby Frances, look at how cute she is as a pumpkin with Eph an Roo below!)Some of you know that at work they call me the baby whisperer. When babies are brought into the office for assorted reasons and are crying, I try to ignore it... but after awhile I always go find them, settle them into sleep or if their older some sort of play... and then go back to work.
Last Friday I helped take a baby boy to the doctor. He had to have been pretty confused, I mean, I was TOTALLY confused by the whole experience. He was with a foster mom he had only known for a month and his mother whom he hadn't seen in several months... that's a lot for a six-month-old to handle. I thought I was going to help ensure that his mother was safe during the appointment that he and his foster mother attended... foster mom thought I was there to ensure that mom did not show up at all. Apparently we were both given different information regarding my 'mission'. It wasn't a child that I work with... I didn't know anyone... it's weird how even then I could pick out mom and foster mom as they entered the waiting room without a moment's hesitation. I guess it's just a look you get in your eye when you're wary of the system... I probably share their look. And again I am off topic...
The little boy was swooped into his mother's arms as soon as she saw him, causing foster mom to send out some serious tension vibes which baby clearly picked up on as he began to look at her and fuss. Mom was overly animated and intense... as any of us would be in the same situation I think, but this was also rough on baby and he was stressed by her as well. His little eyes found mine when we got to the exam room and we shared a look that seemed to be beyond his years. After that it was hard for him to look away, and I didn't avert my eyes unless someone talked to me directly. He started peeking and smiling, laying his head down and sighing as mom talked loudly about things she should have been saying and looking frantic as she threw him in the air, causing me to re-direct her. When mom put baby on the table, I found myself whispering in his ear as he cried and struggled and then he just stopped and looked at me calmly and I thought... I really am the freaking baby whisperer. How cool is that?
After that, things went fine. Mom said her goodbyes and left, although you could see it rip her heart out, I hate that part of my job and I don't mind that even after three years it hasn't gotten any easier because I think it would stink if it DID get easier. I think she was a good mom who really is devoted to her baby... and I am so sad that the worker she has is rather iron fisted in regards to her work. Just because drugs supersede a person's devotion to their child at some point... well that doesn't mean it's forever if you dig deep and help them look at why that happened. Don't we all have moments when our children are not the first thing on our minds? If you said no... you're lying. Hard core drugs just magnify that and make it harder to come back... but even that isn't forever, necessarily.
I find myself re-parenting people a LOT: settling limits and boundaries, praising accomplishments, telling people I am proud of what they have done, saying that I am disappointed because of some stupid thing they just did, that they are better than some backsliding action that just happened. We all need that a little every now and then, that's why you don't stop parenting when your kids turn 18, right? And, why we seek out parent figures if our parents DO stop... because even if it's only one time in your adult life that you need someone to put you back in check, you want to know that someone is there to do it. In my job, I get paid to do that, and if I do it well, then when it's time to close cases, they don't want to. People from over two years ago keep calling me to check in, and there's validation for the work I do every single time that happens.
But the baby whispering thing, that just feels like magic...
